


Everybody wants to be a cat

by thesoundofyourheartinyourhead



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: 'what would annoy peter the most?' and this was born, Elias Bouchard Being a Bastard, I thought, M/M, also yes a cat will feature in every fic i write., or at least very petty, this idea came to me in a dream and i wrote it in like an hour so call out spelling mistakes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-28
Updated: 2020-08-28
Packaged: 2021-03-06 20:01:15
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26164540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesoundofyourheartinyourhead/pseuds/thesoundofyourheartinyourhead
Summary: Tensions rise in the Bouchard-Lucas household.
Relationships: Elias Bouchard/Peter Lukas
Comments: 3
Kudos: 37





	Everybody wants to be a cat

“What...” Peter asks slowly, “is that?” 

“Come now, dear, you’ve been Alone for a long while, but I'm sure you recognise what a cat looks like.” 

Elias is smiling pleasantly as he stokes the- the _mog_ on his lap. It has its eyes closed, utterly relaxed, like it has a perfect right to lay pampered on his husband's lap- or ex-husband, he thinks, after _that_ fiasco. Peter tries to settle his features into something that will not make Elias overjoyed to see- or See, for that matter. 

_Think of the moors. Think of the nothing._

“Darling,” he says, a tad more sanely than he would have. “Is this about how I left you last? You know I didn’t mean to ruin your suit. Or your other, sexier suit. Or lose the wedding ring. Or-” 

“Oh no,” Elias says sweetly. “That’s all in the past. But I _suppose_ ,” he sighs, “being single gets harder with age. I find myself in need of _intelligent company_.” 

The cat yawns and nuzzles into his hip. Elias crooks his finger and scratches at its chin, cooing. 

Peter is going to have an aneurysm. 

“ _Darling_ ,” he emphasises again. “Sweetheart. Honey-bun. Dearest to my heart, love of my life-” 

“I’m the love of your life?” 

“ _Fire of my loins_ -” 

“Ah.” 

“If you want me to apologise, just _say_ so, rather than _debase_ yourself simpering over a glorified rat-catcher-” 

“Not a rat-catcher,” Elias says sharply. “Pure-bred Khao Manee- or _Diamond Eye_ ,” he stresses, baring his teeth. “Kept by Thai royalty, almost unheard of in the western world. Very rare here; and this one more so. _Peter_ here, you see, has odd eyes- one blue, one gold.” 

Peter could not give less of a shit what colour this fleabag’s eyes were. “You named... the _cat_... after _me_.” 

“Well, it just seems to _suit_ him, doesn’t it?” Elias says innocently, and they know he has won this round. Peter breathes through his teeth. 

“I will make it up to you,” he says. “I will give you the wedding to top all weddings. All the money I spent on the _Daedalus_ mission? I’ll triple it and donate to your Institute. Anything within my power to give, I will. But for god’s sake, _get rid of the cat_.” 

Elias makes a considering face, and that is all Peter can stand before he storms off. As he stalks toward the door, he sees a bowl full of water. Not just a pet bowl, plastic and printed. A bowl of crystal, almost certainly worth its weight in gold. He makes sure to kick it on his way out, sending it skittering into the hallway. 

“Now really, dear,” Elias says, and there’s probably more, but that is all he hears before he slams the door. 

They do kiss and make up, in the end, as they always do. And then they break it off for the silliest of reasons again, as they also always do. And they kiss and make up again.

But the cat stays. 

(Peter is sure a common house cat should not live for over three decades. But whether truly _exemplary_ care or a ritual is involved somewhere, he has to endure at least four marriages where Elias has to specify which Peter he was calling out for. 

He calls them _Peter_ and _Human_ Peter. 

Peter Lucas can only dream of catgut violins.) 


End file.
